Please Don't Hire Me
Reflections on a post-lay-off job search.
While I toil over resumes, cover letters, lengthy work samples, and harrowing application questions, my resentment builds. In only two months into the search, 25+ job applications have been submitted, five immediate no thank-you’s, and no response from anyone else. There is no question of my ability to do most jobs really well, after 25 years in organizations. I’m experienced, organized, and thrive on supporting organizational culture to flourish. I also tend to add laughter and care to any workplace. I’ll come work for you, forget my personal goals and desires and give you all I have until you either don’t have money to pay me anymore or my observations about how you are far from living the values you espouse drive you to oust me. Work is where capitalism does its performative dance and convinces each of us that it’s okay to leave our values behind for survival and social cohesion. I can’t do it anymore. I’m exhausted. I’ve been so privileged to work for a number of organizations that were less awful and accomplished really wonderful things, yet I no longer believe that we are accomplishing much more than checking off boxes and writing end-of-year reports that show what boxes were checked off. The hollow promises of corporate and non-profit culture have robbed us of our humanity, while making promises they are rarely able to keep.
Ya think this attitude may be why I’m not getting hired? Maybe so. I’m okay with that. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure my mom and Mitzi have what they need, including a place to live but I won’t continue to let it take me away from my vision of collective liberation through community care.
Let’s be honest, the systems are all crumbling, as they should. What does a person who is ready to build the new world do when the crumbling of the old world exhausts and demoralizes us? I’m thinking we gather? I’ve done a lot of hiding on social media. I post when I’m in a good place, have something inspiring to share, or want to repost someone else’s inspiration. To be completely honest, I’ve been terrified of failing and looking stupid but I think I’ve turned a corner and am ready to show y’all just how out of sorts this woman is behind the screen. So, stay tuned for my reflections on finding work and finding meaning in a world gone mad.